Hammerheads Hire Spicer as PA Announcer

The Jackson Hammerheads added another famous face to their organization this week.  On Saturday, the team announced that it was hiring former White House press secretary Sean Spicer to serve as their public address announcer.  Spicer replaces Ricky Widmer, who left the team last month to focus on running his family’s catfish farm.

“Anyone who’s been watching the news knows that Sean was looking for a job,” said Hammerheads owner/whiz-kid GM Steven Butler.  “And we had an opening over here.  So I reached out to him, more or less as a joke.  But to my surprise, he wrote back and expressed interest, so he came down to talk about it.  A couple hours and several beers later, we had a deal.”

“Honestly, this is kind of a dream job for me,” said Spicer.  “I love baseball; I grew up rooting for the Red Sox.  And right now, I’m happy for a job that’s a little less stressful and lower-profile.  Melissa McCarthy doesn’t go on SNL to make fun of Jackson’s PA guy.  This gives me some time to get relax and think about where I want to go next.”

Butler said that he’d toyed with the idea of not announcing the hiring.  “I thought about just having Sean show up and start doing it.  Our fans would say to themselves, ‘Hmm, that guy sure sounds familiar.’  And then just wait to see how long it took for people to figure it out.”

Asked about the Hammerheads’ double-digit deficit in the Eastern division, Spicer grew irate.  “Any statements to that effect are simply false,” he snapped at reporters.  “The Jackson Hammerheads have the largest division lead any team has ever had, period, both in America and around the globe.  These attempts to lessen the enthusiasm of Hammerheads fans for the season are shameful and wrong.  I fully intend to hold the press accountable for their campaign of misinformation.”

Spicer’s new job didn’t escape the attention of the president, who reacted to the news in a Sunday-morning tweetstorm.  “Big step down for Sean Spicer to join the failing Jackson Hammerheads.  Sad!”  the president tweeted.  “If he wants to make baseball great again, should have joined the Knoxville Smokies with my good friend Snuff Wallace.  A great American!”

PBL Standings – 7/8/2016

West W L Pct. GB L10 Strk RS RA
California Sharks 56 31 .644 6-4 L1 520 362
Silver City Outlaws 51 34 .600 4 6-4 W2 466 395
Milwaukee Bear Claws 46 39 .541 9 2-8 L1 401 366
Kalamazoo Kazoos 37 46 .446 17 7-3 W1 373 385
Salt Lake Samurai 34 49 .410 20 4-6 W1 395 489
Las Vegas Narwhals 28 57 .329 27 5-5 L2 325 503
                 
East W L Pct. GB L10 Strk RS RA
Knoxville Smokies 60 24 .714 9-1 W3 488 329
Jacksonville Dragons 44 38 .537 15 5-5 L1 468 420
Jackson Hammerheads 45 39 .536 15 4-6 W1 498 442
Orlando Calrissians 45 41 .523 16 5-5 L2 400 400
New Orleans Sazeracs 34 49 .410 25 1/2 3-7 W2 339 450
Carolina Comets 26 59 .306 34 1/2 4-6 L4 343 475